home home on the range…

about 28 hours I’ll be taking off and flying back home. Home. That’s where the heart is right? Where everything that is familiar and nice is supposed to be. It’s where the things I miss the most and have longed for the past nine months are… isn’t it?

I know I haven’t been away for that long, I know I haven’t really changed in appearance, character, or even mannerisms, but I can’t help but feel, well different. I suppose it would be absurd if I were to be gone for almost an entire year without changing, but I suppose when you change in one culture and place and return to a completely different culture and place, it’s suddenly feels like you’ve hit a brick wall. It’s as if instead of the sun slowly setting into the horizon you’re jolted awake in your sleep and suddenly, It’s day time and you don’t remember ever falling asleep. I feel like that’s going to be me when i return home. As if I closed my eyes right before I left, and when I return I’m jolted in a whole new atmosphere after i dreamt a whole nights sleep in what felt like a second. The world has changed and I’ve changed without it.

So what does this mean? I’m not sure, I feel like I’ve grown out of something without even growing into it first. I left without being ready to leave and have returned with pieces that don’t fit anymore. I suppose this is all natural, I suppose some will say it’s cause I’ve lived my entire life in chicago/chicago suburbs all my life up until now, but I think it has something to do with me growing up or something. It’s that whole adulthood thing and trying to see where I fit in this crazy world. My dreams and aspirations have grown, I’ve accomplished things that no one I’m close with has seen, and only return with stories to be told, and not experiences shared.

I don’t know where I’m going with all this. I’m pretty sure these things happened every year. But it’s different, I swear it is. Something is moving me in a strange direction I’ve never known.

I say God come, God save, God speed.

~ by myusings on May 13, 2009.